Thursday, September 20, 2012

John's Birth Story

So John's birth story is just a tad overdue....and there is so much detail that it could go on for days. So to save time I have done a more condensed version of it below. I also wrote about my feelings of how my labor and delivery went and then there are some tips for new mothers at the end. Enjoy.

John Nicholas Travaglini

July 17th, 2012 (just one day shy of my 27th birthday).
7lbs 2 ounces and 21 inches long
Born via Cesarean section.
Induced due to high blood pressure and risk of pre-clampsia.
Induced at 40 weeks and 2 days.
Induction started at night before (on my birthday July 16th) around 5pm.
Induction was started with a synthetic prostaglandin medicine called Cervadil (softens the cervix).
Woken up at 5:45 am on July 17th and was allowed to take a shower.
Doctor came in at 6:30am to check cervix. (I was 1 1/2 cm dilated and 80% effaced.)
No contractions yet.
Cervadil was removed and Pitocin (synthetic Oxytocin, which jump starts labor) was administered and water was broken manually.
Catheter was installed.
Contractions started within a few hours, not unbearable, just uncomfortable.
Around 11am  labor contractions had peaked and I asked for Demerol (pain medication) so I can sleep through the pain a bit.
Awoke around 1 pm with full blown back labor.
Opted for Epidural (form of anesthesia used for pain relief in labor) at 5 cm dilated around 3pm.
First Epidural attempt was unsuccessful and immediately removed.
Second Epidural attempt only 1 side was numb (labored like this for a little over an hour).
Around 5pm I opted for another Epidural this time it worked fully!!
Checked for dilation around 6pm and was 6 centimeters dilated.
Checked once more at 7:30 pm and was still 6 centimeters dilated. Doctor informed me that he would be back at 9:30pm and if there was no significant increase in dilation we would need to look into possible c-section due to risk of infection going up from water being broken over 12 hours.
Doctor came back in at 9:30pm and I had only dilated 1/2 a centimeter.
Went into surgery and John Nicholas was born at 9:52pm.

I can remember laying on the operating room table...stretched out like a science project, doped up and overloaded on pain meds...thinking that at any given moment if I closed my eyes I might not wake up. I threw up several times on the table. It felt like a million years laying there...but was only about 15 minutes between prepping and the time John was born. Our Doctors words to us before he pulled John out were..."ok Corey & Nick are you ready for your lives to change?...on the count of three Corey, you might feel a little pressure....1, 2...and 3." and then 10 seconds later we heard the cutest little faint cry..."walaaaaa" it was so soft and serene. I just cried and said..."awww my baby". I didn't get to hold John right away, but Nick did. He looked scared, surprised, happy, in awe. I couldn't really see what John looked like because I was laying at an awkward angle.  A few moments later they took Nick and John out of the room and I can remember my heart breaking cause I wanted so desperately to go with them. After the Doctor stitched me up I was taken to recovery where John was immediately brought to me and laid upon my chest. I began to breast feed him and he latched on right away. It was so surreal. I was overwhelmed with so many feelings. I was joyful...I was scared...I was excited...I was afraid. I couldn't believe all was like I was in the twilight zone. I was overjoyed he was here. I was on cloud nine. What a phenomenal experience those 2 days were to get him here...and God had been so faithful to us and blessed us with our little miracle. It is still so amazing to me when I look at John...I can't believe he once was the size of a grain of rice...and now he is alive, breathing...has tiny fingers and toes...smiles and coo's at us. God is so good! I heard a quote recently that said "If you don't believe in miracles...perhaps you have forgotten that you are one"...oh how I love that cause it is so incredibly true. We are all miracles from God. All started out as a speck...a grain of rice...and then on into these extraordinary human beings. Only a loving God could create something so unbelievably profound and beautiful. Life is beautiful, and Jesus is the giver of life.

Although everything went according to God's plan in that labor and delivery room....once we got home from the hospital and was left alone with our new little miracle....I started feeling a little weepy and sad. I felt like I almost wasn't bonding like I had dreamed, prayed and imagined I would of with John off the bat. I thought it was going a tad crazy...(I know now it was all my hormones being out of wack and the onset of "baby blues"). I started having guilty feelings of how labor went with him. Labor was not like I had imagined. I thought it would of been a smooth labor and delivery process. I had to be induced. I had extremely horrible back labor...had to get 3 epidurals that were excruciating painful to get because of the back labor...and at the end of it all I had to undergo a c-section. I felt like I had failed John and I felt like I was a horrible mother for not having John vaginally.  I mean a vaginal birth was God's why couldn't I have one? I suffered with these feelings like "why would my body not allow me to dilate anymore, and what is wrong with me that I couldn't have a natural birth?"  I was so ashamed of myself for even thinking this way after having a beautiful healthy and happy baby boy...but I couldn't help it. Even though my Doctor reassured me that if we didn't undergo the c-section infection was imminent and that there could of been all these possible complications with me and John...and the worse case possible...a still born birth. I trusted my Doctor too...he is a strong Christian doctor so I know he would not do or allow anything unethical. But I was still mad at myself thinking that I could of stuck it out and had him vaginally. Oh, God....the misery I would feel if I wanted to be selfish and try and have John vaginally and something happened to him I would of never forgiven myself .So, for his safety and mine it had to be done...and everything thing that went down...from the time of conception, up until John was placed in my arms was all orchestrated by God. But, I know by now after reading all of this you may be thinking, "Corey...he is healthy...what more could you ask for?" I know trust me....I feel horrible for even feeling that way...but hormones, mental and physical exhaustion will have you thinking all kinds of crazy things! So thankful that is over with...and I am back to my normal I can soak up all the beauty...and enjoy his precious little life!!!! God was in this from the very beginning. I stand in awe of what a marvelous creation He has made in John.
Some interesting side note of c-sections. It's pretty astounding.  It was believed that Julius Ceasar entered the world through a c-section that is why it is called a Cesarean. Mother's back then pretty much risked their lives just to get their baby into this world...most of the mothers did not make it through the surgery, but their children did. They would of rathered died themselves than for their little one to not have life.What a selfless act.

You know...God always has a funny way of showing me who is ultimately in control...because lots of times I like to think that I am. I thought I could control everything about this pregnancy. Even trying to get pregnant to begin with. Everything was a control issue. I could control if we conceived...I could control how he was born. But, ultimately John came the way God intended for him to come. It was the way He had planned it. I give God all the glory! It was His idea...His idea alone. It was His plan...His plan alone! John is so healthy, alive, alert, and happy...what more could I ask for? And as for the bonding since then? oh, how it has been way beyond my comprehension. He looks at me and recognizes me and my heart absolutely melts. When there is a crowd of people in the room talking...and I enter the room and say something he stops moving and his eyes widened. It just melts me. I love motherhood...I love stepping into this whole new world of being a parent with Nick. I can't wait till the day John calls us mom and dad. We have so much to look forward to with John. Being a parent is truly a gift, it is a miracle...we are so blessed!

ps. For all the new mom's out there that have baby blues. Just know that overwhelming emotional feelings of sadness...anxiety... irritability and bouts of crying after delivery is 100 % normal for a mother. Your hormones are completely out of wack and are getting back into alignment like they were pre-pregnancy. Just think you went to having a human inside of you to of course you are not going to feel like yourself for a bit. I wished someone would of told me about these overwhelming emotional feelings that I would have. It wasn't until I spoke out about it that other mothers began to agree they went through same thing. Majority of moms do not want to talk about it because it makes them feel like a horrible mother. But, we can't remain silent. Women and new mothers need each other. However, if the feelings persist and or worsen over a period of time lasting longer than a couple of weeks...please contact your doctor right away. It could lead to post-par-tum depression...which can be pretty severe if left untreated. 

Tips for new mothers....make sure you keep an open communication with a spouse, parent or close friend on how you feel and please pray your way through those first weeks home with your is absolutely beautiful, but having a newborn is exhausting. Don't be afraid to ask for help, sleep when baby is sleeping, let the housework go undone for now, don't forget to eat a little something through out the day, don't be too hard on yourself about your appearance for a just had a baby so yes you are going to feel heavy, bloated and unattractive for a while...and last but not on and enjoy every moment with your new little gift from God...because they do grow so fast.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Back to Work

So, it was my first day back to work in 8 weeks!! maternity leave came to a close. I dropped little man off at the in-laws and of course I got really weepy upon leaving. I know he is safe and sound there and its not like I am leaving him with strangers which is a total blessing and I am very grateful that my in-laws are able and capable to watch him....I was just a little sad because this 8 weeks had flown by and this time out with him had come to an end. I am however thankful that I'm just going back part-time. It would of killed me to be away from him longer than 25 hours a week. I just cant believe this 8 weeks is over. He was here with me for 9 months in my womb....then 8 weeks  in the world and now we have to be separated a few hours a day. Yea its only 5 hours a day....but still he is so young. I feel like in a way we just got to know each other and build this bond. I didn't want our 24/7 time to end...or at least I wasn't ready for it to end so abruptly and quickly.

But, I know this is only the beginning of being away from him. Eventually he will go on to pre-school, then Kindergarten, then college, and one day into the arms of his wife and his own family. Ahhhh....I pray time doesn't go too fast so I can enjoy him. I  think one can never know how powerful time can be until you have a baby....or at  least I didn't. You realize a moment is worth the world...that minutes are precious...that hours are definitely blessing...and a day is truly a gift.

Lately, the thought of being a stay at home mom has infiltrated my thought process. I never thought being a stay at home mom was something I would of wanted to do....never. But, now its all I want to do. Stay home...raise John, take care of Nick and our home. Is that too much to ask? But, now a days it seems like that's not even the norm or financially an ability for most couples. Nick and I have seriously cut back so much...and honestly we have financially sat down and tried to cut areas that we possibly could and still it wasn't possible for me to be a full time stay at home least on paper it did not make sense at all. We would be severely under each month. Oh...but the Lord knows the desires of my heart. I am earnestly praying that He opens up other doors of opportunities for Nick job wise to where financially that could be an option for me. I know He will provide....and I know He will work this out for us...its the patience part that gets me every time.

So while I'm waiting, praying and anticipating...I know it will get better! Transitionally it will take some time and a bit of an adjustment to get back into the swing of things. I usually adapt and over come situations pretty well...I guess I get that from the military. I know I will look back on this down the road and say "boy...that was a piece of cake!" But, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes is hard...when it seems like your riding through a foggy tunnel. hehe. I can't  wait however to see what all God has in store for us through all of this! What an adventure...and I'm ready for it...stay at home mom or not...working mom or not. As long as I have Nick, the Lord and my little is good.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

2 months too soon!

So my little precious son will be 2 months old this Tuesday...ummm yea...I can't believe that...that is too soon!!!! This mean's that I am headed back to work soon! Actually, next week I will be back to the ole bump & grind. My heart is at a bittersweet stand still. Part of me is excited about getting out into the work force again, seeing some of my friends and just having some me time, but part of me is so sad to leave my little boy even if it is part-time. My hours will be 3:30-8:30 wed-sat. Not too happy with the schedule, but this is all that my work was able to offer me due to business need. So this also means a little less time with Nick. Our date nights will be pretty slim, which stinks, but I am praying now that God will open up other job opportunities....and hopefully a better schedule for me.

Since having John God has shown me so much! One of the things is that I have taken our marriage and my time with Nick for granted. I now know how precious that time is with him. For the last 7 weeks I have been consumed with John 24/7, which I have loved every minute of and wouldn't trade it for the world, but Nick and I both have put each other on the back burner...and in a way I have missed US time. Although, not spending enough one on one time is expected and 100% normal with a new born, however, we can't neglect our time together too. Our relationship is crucial to the well-being of our marriage and for John as parents to him. So please pray with me that God allows opportunity for schedule changes to come open where Nick and I get to have more dates nights and spend more time one on one together regularly.

Next thoughts... here are some updates on baby J: Since the last post a couple weeks ago...he has been recognizing us more and now giggles and coo's when we tickle him or play with his feet. Oh just melts my heart to hear him. I wonder what his little voice will sound like one day when he calls us mom or dad? Can't wait! He also has started sleeping a bit more at night...praise the Lord! Starting this week he has been going on 4 hour stretches at night. What a relief. I never thought he was going to do that...and was secretly freaking out that I was never going to get any sleep ever again, and I was going to walk around like a zombie until he turns 18 years old. Boy...your mind can sure run away with you when you are sleep deprived!!!

John has been eating more too...7 ounces is the most he has eaten in one feeding to date!!!! Look at my big boy go! lol. Its crazy when we brought him home from the hospital he was only eating an ounce or he's up to 7! Ahhh...where did the time go??? He also has a little blocked tear duct that the doctor told me I needed to massage regularly...bless his heart. Sometimes when he wakes up it is crusted shut. I have mentioned this to them because that definitely does not seem normal, but they just keep saying to massage it and wipe it out daily with warm wash cloth. I hope it opens up soon. I feel bad for his wittle eye.

We recently had to put up his Newborn clothing....oh man...this made me so weepy. So excited and happy that he is growing and healthy, but just know he will never be back in those tiny clothes again is sooo sad. I just know though with each growth spurt he is growing into the little child and one day man God has planned and I am so excited to be apart of his precious journey through life. I am one honored mother.

So ending thoughts....I'm heading back to work next week...John is trucking along great....and God is so good. Until next time....God bless!

ps. Last doctors visit with John on August 20th John was 10 lbs 4oz  and 23 inches long. :)